Walt's Thoughts on Paintball
I'm relatively new to paintball - I've been playing for two years and seriously
only for one. I haven't used as many markers or as many types of
paint or as many bits of equipment as my teamates, so you'll have to look
at their thoughts to get much info on that. This page is mostly for
newbies trying to become, well ... NON-newbies. I hope you can learn
something from this wisdom, or at least find it amusing. By the way,
most of these lessons I actually had to learn the hard way - so even through
this is tounge-in-cheek - it is not totally out to lunch.
Paint
Paint is very important, Paintball is alot less fun without paint.
Paintball without paint is laser tag, and laser tag is lame unless you
are 13 with red
hair, freckles, and braces. Good paint breaks on your target
and not in your gun. In order to break on your target it has to HIT
your target, which usually means it needs to fly straight. Most of
the problems I've seen with paint are that it doesn't fly straight, or
that it hits and doesn't break. I don't
have alot of trouble with paint breaking in my gun, but I have noticed
that the more expensive a gun is, the more likely that paint will break
in it, and the more that breakage will affect the performance of the gun.
I've played with ProBall, and a variety of "cheap" paints. ProBall
flies nicely but doesn't
break very easily. This is a drawback for the shooter.
The drawback for the shootee is that those tough little buggers hurt like
hell. You might find
yourself involuntarily calling yourself out on a bounce (very embarrasing).
This leads to Walt's first rule:
When hit with a paintball and you have the involuntary need to
cry out, yell "PAINTCHECK!" Do NOT yell "I'm hit!" or "I'm
out!."
If after this you find the ball DID break, THEN call yourself
out.
In order to yell the correct words when you are hit without thinking
about it, you have to condition yourself. Load your paintgun
and
stand clear of everyone else. Shoot yourself in the leg
and yell
"PAINTCHECK!" Do this 20-30 times, and you should be conditioned.
Guns
... or, uh, paintguns, ... no, wait, markers. Yeah, that's it, markers!
Markers are very important. Paintball is less fun without markers.
In the old days the pros used slingshots to fire paintballs at each other.
You could tell the really hot teams because their slingshots were really
tricked out
with cool paintjobs, and lots of hoses running everywhere. A
cool marker ALWAYS has external hoses. If yours doesn't, add one.
The rec players
couldn't afford the fancy slingshots, so they had to run around throwing
the paintballs at each other. This is the origin of the term "throwing
paint"
which means "shooting." Sometime after Nixon but before Clinton
someone got the wild idea of making an airgun that shot paintballs.
Rumour has it
the first paintguns were pump action, but that has NOT been substantiated.
All real paintguns are semi-automatic, so you can throw more paint in a
limited amount of time. Sometime in the last few years, folks realized
that many people had the mistaken impression that paintball was about running
around in the woods shooting at each other, thus there has been a movement
to stop calling paintguns "paintguns" and instead call them "markers."
If you want to play with a "marker" try a MARKette - in your choice of
colors (blue, black, and red). Me, I'm going to stick with my paintgun.
Anyway, I've played with a Stingray - I think I'd just as well run around
throwing the paint by hand. It wasn't JUST that it didn't shoot straight
or
had less range than the other guys' paintguns, but it makes this stupid
"ploop" sound whenever you shoot it. It just screams out "I've got
a
crappy gun, come and get me!" I've played with a Tippman and
I am currently playing with an F2 Illustrator. These guns are very
similar in that they are open bolt, very simple, and very reliable.
These are clearly the best guns for a beginner, they are also the least
expensive decent guns. I am just
now switching to a Palmer/Bad-Boyz Typhoon. So far I think the
Typhoon rocks, but give me a few weeks to really see. I've seen ALOT
of "cockers." I'm totally afraid of a cocker. As far as I can tell
a cocker is more of a project than a paintgun. As I understand it,
they cost about $400, then you have to add a regulator, a new barrel, and
a bottom line. Then you need a trigger job and the timing worked
on. If you touch ANYTHING on the gun you need to redo the timing.
For really decent gun you also need a new bolt, and an expensive hopper.
You might also want a front grip or a stock. Then, if you are really good
at tuning it, it will shoot absolutely wonderfully, for a game or two.
On the up side they DO have lots of hoses on the outside of the gun.
If you have alot of money to spend on paintball, get a cocker. Anyway,
its time for another one of Walts's rules:
When your paintgun breaks, or runs out of air, or runs out of
paint,
resist the temptation to yell out that your gun is hosed.
That is
really an invitation to getting shot. Remember that you
are still
a value to your team if the enemy *thinks* you have a working
marker.
Also you can create a diversion when your teamates decide to
charge.
You run out ahead of your teamates and take all the fire while
they
move up. In a pinch you can act as a human shield.
Again you need
training to do this correctly and without calling yourself out.
Repeat the exercise above, but this time have your entire team
set up
and shoot at you as you run a 40 yard dash straight at them.
Do this
20-30 times and you should be ready.
Clothes
My advice is to wear old clothes that you don't mind getting dirty or somewhat
painted. The paintball field is no place for a sport coat.
You'll find most folks wear cammo shirts, pants, etc. The really
cool guys ware actual paintball clothing made by JT and such. I wear
cammo, I'm not cool enough for JT. You will find that there are many
types of cammo, and most of the cooler (and more expensive) patterns are
widely available on shirts, coats, pants, hats, gloves, tank covers, and
hopper covers. I find this so interesting. I make it a rule
to own no more than one item with the same cammo pattern on it. This
way I become a walking cammo sample board. It also makes it look
like four or five guys are hiding in that bunker instead of just one (of
course, that might not have anything to do with the cammo). Also
there's foot wear. I started out wearing boots but switched to tennis
shoes. They don't make cleats that fit my feet, but I rarely slip.
Walt's rule number 3:
If you get shot in the 'nads and you aren't wearing a cup, be
sure
to hold your gun over your head while you writhe in pain on the
ground.
This lets the players on the other team know you are OUT and
not
attempting to create an invisble force field to hide behind in
the
middle of the field. Once again doing this correctly requires
training.
As before, standing clear of bystanders, shoot yourself in the
nuts with
your marker, then hold your gun over your head, stand on one
foot and
recite the preamble to the Constitution. Do this 20-30
times and you
should be ready.
Tactics
Paintball is all about shooting at people and being shot at by people.
If you aren't shooting at someone or being shot at by someone, you are
doing something wrong. Go find someone to shoot at. They will
usually shoot back. You will make more friends if the person you
pick is NOT on your team, but shooting at *someone* is better than nothing.
Paintball also depends alot on running. I'm too fat to run much,
so I don't know much about that. Go ask one of the skinny guys on
the team. Paintball is all about position. You have to get
into key positions and keep your enemy out of key positions. Of course
he's doing the same thing to you at the same time. Maybe if you let
him get to his position he'll let you get to yours. Yeah, right.
Then you can just shoot yourselves in the nuts and both go out too.
Paintball is all about communication. You need to let your teamates
know where you are and what is going on all through the game. It
helps to yell alot just to keep the chatter going. If you don't have
anything useful to say, just yell at your enemy. Yell things like
"Get some of this," "Go ahead, make my day," or "Tastes great! (Less filling!)"
DO NOT constantly yell "ref, check that
man," or "you're out, you're out." If you think you got a hit,
call for the ref, otherwise you just being a dweeb. Walt's rule number
4:
If you think of something REALLY cool to do while playing paintball,
it probably isn't. The first step towards becomming a non-newbie
is
learning to resist these temptations. Other pages
at this site have
an extensive list of such "negative" thoughts that should be
avoided.
Please note that this is NOT an exhaustive list. If you
find you have
trouble purging these thoughts from your mind, you may need additional
training. The next time you have such a thought, stick
the barrel of
your paintgun under your chin and fire. 20 or 30 of these
and you won't
think of such stupid things any more (decorum dictates that I
warn
you that paintgun manufacturers recommend you do NOT use this
procedure
as it may cause SERIOUS BODILY HARM, but what the hell do they
know).
There is my collected knowledge so far. If these tips and training
methods work for you, you are really sick so please don't tell anyone where
you
heard about them. Hope to see you on the paintball field.
Walt